Scary stories from a lovely place
I am not, naturally, a good mother. I don’t think I dote on my kids and I haven’t always adored them.
I’ve always liked Silas. I always thought he was cool and that he belonged to me, but deep, intense feelings of love and adoration haven’t always been around. I felt this way about Oisín at the beginning. I loved to hold him and kiss his little face. But not Silas. I think it’s because he was the first and I didn’t know how to feel about him, and then there’s all the mess of looking after them when they’re tiny. The lack of sleep and the loss of independence clouded how I felt about him in the first year, or nearly two.
I’m happy to say it’s changing. Not only do I like Silas now, but I also love and adore him. Maybe I’m more cut out for parenting toddlers and little children rather than babies. So Oisín’s day will come soon too.
Silas started doing this awesome thing that symbolises this change in how I feel about him. We go walking every day, usually multipile times a day to the park, but sometimes to the beach, playgroup, a friends house or just up the road. Silas likes to stop and look at everything, explore every driveway, chase every bird and test out every drain cover. Needless to say, it’s slow going.
A couple of weeks ago he started to bring this little wooden, toy snail along for the walks. It has wheels that help it roll along, and it’s shell turns as it goes. If Silas notices it before we leave the house it comes for the walk too. And it is this little snail that has made me fall in love with my son. When pulling the snail, like it’s his own little pet, Silas walks with such determination. Previously favoured driveways and mailboxes are passed by, ignored, discarded. Drain covers and speed bumps are still explored, but this time it’s with the snail, helping it also to experience the change in surface.
I find it super cute and adorable. And so do passers by, they love it. I don’t know where the snail came from, I think it was passed on from an older cousin. But I’m glad we have it. Silas loves it. And I love Silas.